well, the first thing that should be stated is that i'm not beth, the second thing that should be stated is that i do have permission, not to mention encouragement to write her blog for her. matt smith

here's the question...what would you do if you were stuck on a lifeboat with a tiger, a hyena, a crippled zebra and an orangutan? no water, no food; just a couple of carniverous predators, an immobile equid and an ape.
as ridiculous a situation as this would be, i imagine the natural order of relations would resume with a stupor inducing quickness. how should i relate to a hyena mad with hunger...or a tiger dozing in the bottom of my boat...how would i deal with the zebra and ape being devoured as fodder...
the obvious master of the boat is the tiger, followed by the hyena, then the fiesty orangutan, then the poor injured zebra, with you, the poor human caught in the midst. the following insues: a struggle to appropriate each animal in their proper place, some more happy to attain that position than others. animals decide their rank by the use of their teeth and claws.
now imagine if the other animals on your little boat were other people instead of exotic animals...and just for fun your boat starts sinking because there's too much weight in it...the water creeps higher towards the gunnel, unforgiving and ice cold...the starved stares of the other passengers in your vessel of hopeless plight stare at you, and each other...in our heads there starts to form a pecking order...
the one thing we all know, one must go...maybe two. we all hate the premise, yet as we sink further towards the deep black of the abyss beneath the seeming reality rushes to the forefront of all our minds. in our minds we will all start to rank ourselves against the others beside us. "i should stay, i'm skinnier, i don't need as much food..." "all she's doing is huddling in the corner, doing nothing good at all, send her!!!" "well, he's injured, i'm perfectly healthy, if something happens i'll be of far more use than he!" and the like would ensue. what a despicable state of thought we would all agree, until we are faced with the reality; that we do this everyday...in my thoughts i justify my worth over and above others...deciding who is worth time, or effort, who should be shown kindness, who it should be witheld from...i hate it, i feel shallow and leperous whenever i find myself shunning someone for a reason far less potent then the leprousy that i feel eating my soul each time i catch myself thinking this way.
the second blinding reality is this...there is room. there is room; for all the unmotivated, the shunned, the jaded young who darken the corners of loneliness, the invisible, the weird, the awkward, the cruel and the compassionate, for me and you.
there's room. the lifeboat of life is not sinking, we're scared, disoriented, losing our bearings and perceiving the waters of irrelevance are sneaking up on us.
there is room, for my broken life...and for yours...and for theirs.
matt smith