refreshed

It's really funny when you feel a void and you want something, but you don't know what, or even what could be causing it... so you go and spend some time with God - and there are really no huge revelations or amazing epiphanies... but suddenly there's peace.

I was going to write about love. It's something I've been thinking about so much in the last few years... How much love can hurt. This time around (training camp), I asked God to teach me to really love people. The 4WRD team just flew and it stinks how much I miss them - geninuely, things remind me of them again and again - there are even times when I just look at the mountains and I can't help but just thank God for them. When I just feel love. And then I feel fairly lonely realizing that they're gone for awhile. And that I haven't seen my family in a long time. But you know, that ache sort of feels good in itself - to know that I am loved and that I love people and that yes, it hurts when they're gone.
So I found myself walking to Wal-Mart to develop pictures and praying that God would draw near and fill that wretched ache. Pretty amazing to just let God love me. To realize that He did everything in His Power to bring me back to himself after I made a mess of life with my sin. Pretty crazy.

I highly recommend reading "The Jesus I never Knew" - well, most definately read the Bible first (cover to cover)... but it gave me a lot to think about.

So yes, I'm still pretty tired, but honestly... I'm learning to stop panicking and just trust God... to rest in Him. I still have no idea what the future holds for me, but yesterday I wondered - what if God hasn't revealed "the best option" to me so that, first of all, I'll learn to listen... and second of all there are things so unbelieveably cool yet to come I'm not ready for it yet. What DOES it mean to trust God?

I get to have thanksgiving dinner with my friends' family today - it should be pretty sweet. So I'm feeling pretty blessed and thankful today. I hope you are too.