dang.
That's about the extent of how I feel right now. Not as a vengeful expletive... more of a wowish type thing. I'm sort of feeling like ground up hamburger right now. It kind of stinks, it's raw, it has a long history... and a lot of potential for a really good future? OK, that was bad.
I'm just really tired. F&F wrapup was yesterday. That was a strange anticlimatical thing for me - I mean, it's THEIR wrap-up, they're supposed to be the ones who care... I'm supposed to be all-powerful staff taking it in stride and looking ahead to next year. But I'm not. I need closure. This has been a huge-long year for me. I've been stretched and challenged... I've had to pray like all get-out and learn to quench fires before they start and listen to the deeper, real issue - looking past symptoms. I"ve had to give up what I want and listen to my own advice... and now I just had to say Good-bye. The thing is, what made me the most emotional was watching these 11 people and seeing how much they've changed. How much they've affected each other. How deep it all runs. And part of me knows that the effects of a solid F&F team are so far-reaching, it hasn't even begun for them, although they feel it's over.
Last night I hung out with 3 people from my F&F team. That was crazy, and cool, and strange. I love it.
My life is psycho. Suffice it to say that I'm so tired and the heat here is driving me crazy. Part of me wants to run away... I miss the farm MORE THAN I CAN SAY. And yet... I know that the only rest I'm ever going to find is in hanging out with God. So I need to go do that. Pray that I'll look to Him to sustain me... I was telling Crystelle about my life in the next two months and I definately could burn out really fast... especially b/c on my days off I"m so torn between doing stuff with my friends and being alone.
But know that God is challenging me in unbelieveable ways. One huge overriding theme is finding my value, confidence, and trust in Him. I spent over 2 hours talking with a friend about it all the other night and it was amazing. Sometimes I forget how much He's working.
This is getting long.
I'll write again later.
shalom.
I'm just really tired. F&F wrapup was yesterday. That was a strange anticlimatical thing for me - I mean, it's THEIR wrap-up, they're supposed to be the ones who care... I'm supposed to be all-powerful staff taking it in stride and looking ahead to next year. But I'm not. I need closure. This has been a huge-long year for me. I've been stretched and challenged... I've had to pray like all get-out and learn to quench fires before they start and listen to the deeper, real issue - looking past symptoms. I"ve had to give up what I want and listen to my own advice... and now I just had to say Good-bye. The thing is, what made me the most emotional was watching these 11 people and seeing how much they've changed. How much they've affected each other. How deep it all runs. And part of me knows that the effects of a solid F&F team are so far-reaching, it hasn't even begun for them, although they feel it's over.
Last night I hung out with 3 people from my F&F team. That was crazy, and cool, and strange. I love it.
My life is psycho. Suffice it to say that I'm so tired and the heat here is driving me crazy. Part of me wants to run away... I miss the farm MORE THAN I CAN SAY. And yet... I know that the only rest I'm ever going to find is in hanging out with God. So I need to go do that. Pray that I'll look to Him to sustain me... I was telling Crystelle about my life in the next two months and I definately could burn out really fast... especially b/c on my days off I"m so torn between doing stuff with my friends and being alone.
But know that God is challenging me in unbelieveable ways. One huge overriding theme is finding my value, confidence, and trust in Him. I spent over 2 hours talking with a friend about it all the other night and it was amazing. Sometimes I forget how much He's working.
This is getting long.
I'll write again later.
shalom.
posted by kukkiriza at 11:42 AM
1 Comments:
Yeh Laura! Okotoks is super close! it'll probably work to hang out (about 20 minutes from Calgary)... I'll try and get a day off when you're around. Let me know what you know when you know it. or something.
I'll pray ro sure.
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