Just Wait...
it's funny how things change with time. not like i'm old or anything but i've been thinking/remembering... remembering this time where i gave what i thought was all my love. i was so two-dimensional.
i was sure i had given all i had emotionally and mentally, that i had shared all my dreams and that my heart was lost forever when it didn't turn out how i planned. i remember so many poles of extreme emotions - funny how I was willing to tell myself lies b/c anger and pain were easier to deal with than lonliness and hurt.
in hindsight, maybe i did give all i had and maybe God has just given me more - and I say God because it's true, he's the one i turned to in my hurt and begged him to heal me and make me whole again - but i think too, that love is so much more.
it's a choice. an emotion, sure, but also a commitment. it's not a one-dimensional stamp thing... it's something that over time gets better and better... i think that a couple who's been married 50 years can easily be so much more in love than people who have only known each other for 1 or 2. the kind of love that selflessly sacrifices everything to see another suceed no matter what they've done to the giver is really intense and something that i think must start over a long time... turns my mind to God and how He had forever to love me, and yet, he also IS the embodiment of love. try to wrap THAT in a burrito.
as i get older (and hopefully more mature) i'm realizing that there's a lot more to life, to my dreams and goals, to who i am and to God than i ever thought possible two years ago. makes me wonder what i'll think and see five years from now. it also makes me want to hang out with people 20 and 50 years older than me.
so the point of all of that could be one of many... I think for me what it comes down to is that most things are worth waiting for and that all I think is so urgent now will come to pass when the time is so amazing that I can't help but cry.
(by the way, that guy is now married to one of my good friends and i just have to sit back and laugh when i think of it all. i'm amazed and so glad for them and content with what God's done...)
i was sure i had given all i had emotionally and mentally, that i had shared all my dreams and that my heart was lost forever when it didn't turn out how i planned. i remember so many poles of extreme emotions - funny how I was willing to tell myself lies b/c anger and pain were easier to deal with than lonliness and hurt.
in hindsight, maybe i did give all i had and maybe God has just given me more - and I say God because it's true, he's the one i turned to in my hurt and begged him to heal me and make me whole again - but i think too, that love is so much more.
it's a choice. an emotion, sure, but also a commitment. it's not a one-dimensional stamp thing... it's something that over time gets better and better... i think that a couple who's been married 50 years can easily be so much more in love than people who have only known each other for 1 or 2. the kind of love that selflessly sacrifices everything to see another suceed no matter what they've done to the giver is really intense and something that i think must start over a long time... turns my mind to God and how He had forever to love me, and yet, he also IS the embodiment of love. try to wrap THAT in a burrito.
as i get older (and hopefully more mature) i'm realizing that there's a lot more to life, to my dreams and goals, to who i am and to God than i ever thought possible two years ago. makes me wonder what i'll think and see five years from now. it also makes me want to hang out with people 20 and 50 years older than me.
so the point of all of that could be one of many... I think for me what it comes down to is that most things are worth waiting for and that all I think is so urgent now will come to pass when the time is so amazing that I can't help but cry.
(by the way, that guy is now married to one of my good friends and i just have to sit back and laugh when i think of it all. i'm amazed and so glad for them and content with what God's done...)
posted by kukkiriza at 7:45 PM
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